Israeli hostages' mixed feelings of joy, bitterness, and fear: Thoughts of a former Iranian prisoner on deal with Hamas

Watching the news about Israeli hostages being released is an incredible joy and brings tears to my eyes. It reminds my release from prison after being sentenced to death by hanging in Iran for the crime of converting to Christianity. I endured months of mental, physical hardships, and intense interrogation in Evin prison - one of the most brutal prisons in the world. 

As much as I was happy to be free from that dungeon, I felt profound sadness knowing I was leaving behind friends and many innocent prisoners who had no voice. I left prison with a big burden and heavy heart. I was also bitter and angry having witnessed the execution, sexual abuse, and torture of my cellmates. 

After my release and the execution of my dear Iranian Kurdish friend, Shirin Alamhooli, I had become a new person, unfamiliar with the outside world. I was determined to see the destruction of evil Islamic regime in Iran, I promise I made to Shirin before her execution. 

Today, I understand the mixed feelings among Israelis about the hostages. Family members are elated by the return of their loved ones, while they are worried about what they endured and what new people they may have become. After more than 470 days in captivity, almost double what I endured, they will not be the same people anymore. 

On the other hand, others are mourning and waiting to receive the bodies of their loved ones to bury. Among the remaining 94 hostages, it’s estimated that more than a third are dead. And of the living, what they endured will surely change them for as long as they live.

Many Israelis are angry and fearful because of the release of thousands of Hamas terrorists including those who killed their loved ones and inflicted huge suffering on them. Israelis are living in a huge trauma since the Holocaust, endless terror and wars over decades, and most recently October 7th.  

Many are asking if the deal of exchanging hostages with Hamas terrorists is a good deal? Will Hamas abide by the terms of the deal? The answer is “NO.” Will they exploit every opportunity to create maximal terror and grief? The answer is “YES.” 

Report are that 1904 terrorists who have the blood of many Israelis on their hands will be released in exchange for 33 Israeli civilian hostages. It is madness to release thousands of terrorists who are thirsty for the blood of Jewish people in exchange for Israeli babies, grandparents, and women who have been raped and abused for months. 

The question is why are so few of hostages being released and not all of them? What are the terms of the deal for releasing thousands of terrorists? What kind of pressure was on Israel to accept such a deal after years of sacrificing the lives of IDF soldiers? Accepting two state solution!? Pushing Israel to a deal with Saudi Arabia with the condition of establishing a Palestinian state? Giving the control of strategic areas back to terrorists? If so, this deal is only repeating the same mistakes of the history, and will only lead to more Jewish suffering. 

As much as I am overjoyed seeing the hostages released, I strongly believe any kind of deal with Hamas terrorists is wrong. The world should make them accountable for their crimes against humanity and killing thousands of Israeli civilians, not to mention their own people. Hamas must be pressured to release all the hostages immediately, unconditionally. 

Foolish, ridiculous you say? Well, no more than appeasing the terrorists to begin with and emboldening them and their Iranian Islamic regime patrons. 

During my captivity as much as I wanted to get released, when my captors and the judges told me you will face execution if you insist on your faith and refuse to convert back to Islam, I said I prefer to be executed instead of denying my faith. I resisted not only for my faith in Jesus, but also because I would not bow down to those evil people under any condition. I was not a criminal. I did not do anything to deserve being in prison. Why should I repent and apologize? They should repent and apologize to me for taking away my rights and treating me like a criminal. The same is true with Hamas. 

Hostage taking is in the DNA of all terrorists. The Islamic Republic regime of Iran is the godfather of Hamas, Hezbollah, Houthis, and all their proxies. They have taught their Islamic proxies the same tactics. They usually take Iranians and western civilians as hostage in exchange for their demands and asking billions of dollars. They take advantage of the trauma and the pressure that the family members of the hostages put on the world leaders. 

A survey by the Heritage Foundation shows that 39% of American Muslims believe “Hamas did not murder and rape in Israel on October 7th” and 43% said “Israel does not have a right to exist as a Jewish homeland.” 

The new Hamas leader, Khalil- Hayyah recently said “What happened on October 7th was a source of pride for them and thanked the Islamic Republic regime of Iran.” He also promised to repeat the October 7thmassacre. For these monsters, killing innocent Israeli people, raping women, and kidnapping babies and elderly are act of honor not a shame. 

After the ceasefire they came to streets and started chanting “Khaybar, Khaybar Ya Yahud” which refers to their Prophet Mohammad massacring an entire Jewish tribe at Khaybar (Saudi Arabia). This is their true goal. They only worship death and suffering. 

One vivid example is that of Hamas terrorists and thousands of Palestinians besieging the Red Cross cars transporting the Israeli hostages, trying to attack, frighten, and threaten them even at the last moment. This is the true evil spirit of these savages. Sadly, after all the suffering, the majority of Palestinian Arabs do not believe what they did was wrong, they take pride in killing Israeli civilians, and do not feel any shame. After all this, they are determined to repeat October 7th and call for the genocidal of Jews. 

The world must understand that there can be no peace as long as the Islamic republic regime in Iran is in power and keeps supporting, brainwashing, and fueling Palestinian Arabs and Muslims around the world with antisemitism. There can be no peace as long as radical Muslims seek the annihilation of Israel and extermination of Jews. Any kind of deal with terrorists shows weakness, empowers the enemy, and rewards their evil behavior. That means enabling a genocidal enemy to regroup, rearmed, and reemerged. 

Unfortunately, most Americans think that the war in Israel is only over the division of land between Jews and Arabs, and America is not in the crosshairs. The root of radicalism, as we saw in New Orleans on January 1, is in Islamic teaching. Sadly, many in America do not take the Islamic world and their goal in establishing a global caliphate seriously. 

We must stand with Israel at this time of tension and trauma, and reinforce our own values to protect America and the west from the expansionist tentacles of the Islamic regime octopus. Unfortunately, I know from firsthand experience and this truth cannot be overstated.